Sticks and Stars

Nothing huge went wrong, nothing horrible happened, but every little small thing that could go wrong did. Like me tripping over, stepping on, and bumping into every tripable, stepable, and bumpable item in my apartment with the final culmination of me tearing off my big toe nail while trying to move furniture in my four year old’s room (ouch).

I baked a loaf of chocolate cinnamon bread that would have been extremely tasty had I not burned it.

I bought a new winter coat for my one year old, took off the tags and washed it before I noticed that I accidentally bought a size too small.

This morning when I could take it no longer, I bundled up the boys and went out for coffee, but about three sips in, as we pulled back up to our apartment, I dropped the cup all over the floor of my car.

I recently replaced my four year old’s fire truck bed with a bunk bed and spent this morning cleaning up the fire truck bed with the intent of returning it to craigslist (from whence it originated), only to discover, a few hours later, that my children had colored all over it and its mattress with permanent markers.

It’s also been a stellar weekend for parenting since my patience has been nonexistent. I feel so, so terrible about how mean I’ve been, how impatient, how bitchy. My children deserve much better than me.

I was even infuriated with my hair today, as if it was purposefully trying to piss me off and make my life miserable by flying into my face and refusing to stay put in a pony tail. Truly, I was so full of rage that had it been a little less painful, I might well have torn it all out by the roots.

Everything feels so stressful and overwhelming right now. Again, nothing huge is happening, and not all of it is even bad stress, but I still have a million little things racing around and vying for my brain’s attention (not unlike my children, now that I think about it, except they aren’t a million, just two, no matter how much like a million they might seem).

I just wish something nice would happen. Something really nice that would make me smile every time I thought about it, something that would make all these millions of stressors seem inconsequential, something that would help me refocus on the overwhelming joy in my life instead of getting lost in these ground floor details.

Instead I will probably twist my ankle tomorrow morning, slam one of my children’s fingers in the car door, miss my bus (and/or forget my bus pass), accidentally drop a significant table from my workplace’s database, get food poisoning at lunch, rear end someone on my way home, break off my house key in the door lock, drop my clean laundry in the mud, burn dinner, step on my laptop, watch my one year old drop my cell phone in the toilet, etc.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 30th, 2007 at 10:13 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.