The Visit
The Visit was actually rescheduled for Monday night, which is why I didn’t post about it sooner. And then I’ve actually tried to post it three separate times, with all of them failing, unbeknownst to me until I checked hours or days later to find that it hadn’t. So here we are with attempt #4!
As for how it went, well, really it went fine. My two year old was shy (although less so than usual) and his dad paid attention to him and tried to engage him. I wish he would have been more assertively engaging with him, but given the awkwardness of the situation and the uncertainly as to how his efforts would be received, I can understand why he wasn’t. Really, he’s not that type anyway and he did a good job for the type that he is.
It’s interesting how being around my boys’ dad (for the first time in a year) can really complicate — yet in some ways simplify — my feelings about this whole mess. Until yesterday I was perfectly content to villify him at every turn (in my head, not out loud) and perfectly content to despise him. I felt conflicted about his extremely limited involvement in my boys’ lives but ultimately I was content with how things were.
Since the visit though, I can see how important it is that they have a chance to build a relationship with each other. When I push aside everything that’s happened, I see such potential for a strong, beneficial relationship and I see how happy it made them all to be together on Monday. I was content with how things have been because I was afraid, I was afraid of the pain that I am likely to invite into my life if I do the work to make sure that they have every opportunity to build a relationship with their dad, but I see now that I really have to do it anyway. I just have to try to ignore the past and hope for the best and give their dad every opportunity to make that “best” happen.